International Non-Binary People’s Day July 14, 2020

Today is International Non-Binary People’s Day. 

A day of awareness, they say. 

I was unaware of this day until this year. 

I was unaware my gender had a name until 3 decades had passed. 

Why did my gender take over 30 years to appear to me? Is it because I wasn’t aware it had a name, so I couldn’t call it out from where it stood, in the farthest reach of the closet, behind the outgrown winter coats, misshapen metal hangers, and inches of dust?

Hello gender. It’s me, Teiya. Nice to meet you.

I’m not saying I know everything now that I call myself non-binary. 

Am I finally “fixed”? 

I think that’s one of the biggest things I’ve learned: gender isn’t fixed, and for a lot of people it isn’t a binary.

It’s taken me 30 years to say it’s name:

To politely interrupt and say “actually, no I don’t go by that anymore…”

To remind you with kindness for the 10th time…

To let it slide (again and again) because I haven’t the spoons to advocate for myself today

To let my face fall dead on the outside and swallow to surge of  hurt and heat

To ask “where are your gender neutral washrooms located?”

To decide how long I can hold it before I can get somewhere safe

To stay inside today because the looks and stares and names still sting from yesterday and the day before

I’m gender non-binary. 

It means I shop in the men’s section, and I shop in the women’s section, and neither fit quite right. 

It means I wear boxers and briefs and boxer-briefs, and those don’t fit quite right either.

It means I wear bras out of necessity, out of shame, to lessen the pain, push-down, erase away

It means I use they, them, theirs pronouns

and thank you for also telling me what yours are too (so I don’t feel so othered all the time) 

and thank you for correcting yourself nonchalantly when you mess up

and not making excuses when you mess up over and over again

and thank you for not calling me “girl” or “lady” or “missus or m’am”. 

And thank you for not drawing attention to yourself because “it’s so hard”

because “you’re so lovely and kind and I just don’t see you that way”

Is it so difficult to edit undo? 

Thank you for just saying person, customer, colleague, and friend instead.

I’m not doing this to make your life harder

I’m not doing this to bring attention to myself (even though that is definitely a result)

I’m not doing this because it’s a fad and all the cool kids know what’s what

I’m doing this because I finally feel like myself and I’ve blown the dust away and pushed the jackets aside, because now I can see all the way back, inside and out, foresight, hindsight, just sight, I see myself now and I want you to see me, too.

And don’t we want that for everyone when they wake up in the morning?

A body that cradles their consciousness everyday that can best support them in their daily life, in their goals and dreams? The recognition that their body and gender expression isn’t an aberration or offense?

I’m happy that I challenge the mainstream because there shouldn’t be one fucking stream.

Wake-up call: there are many streams.

This is someone who’s non-binary. This is me.

#internationalnonbinaryday #nonbinary #enby #gendernonbinary #thisiswhatnonbinarylookslike